Yes oh MY FUCKING GOD?!
Pardon me on my use of profanities. Sorry. Really needed it.
All was fine. Work's fine, primary school children's fine, quotation's fine, actually GREAT, life's going on fine, dude's fine, everything's fine!
Not as though it's gonna be horrid now la.
I was sitting in front of this silly bompipi computer, showing my mum a food blog. And we were chatting for quite a while, talking about the big party tomorrow at Hog's Breath. What to wear... What shall we eat... What to bring... What time to meet... How the party'd go... AND THE LIST CONTINUES. See how excited we are huh. Hey! Party of the year! =)
Aiya shuddup la, one sillydodokukunehneh birthday party NIA LA. But BUT! Okay, scrap this, I need to get onto my main topic.
Mum told me that the lady staying on the third level was surprised she had a HUGE=OLD=NOT YOUNG (anything but fat, at least IMO) daughter that was so very pretty. But hell, I don't even know who this woman is? Well, I admit I don't take a notice to my surroundings. Simply because my neighbourhood doesn't have any hot looking single guys around my age, or more likely I don't even spot GUYS around my neighbourhood. Actually I do la, but they are those deliquent kind, those beyond hope. Skating all around like the skateboard was just invented. But ya! I just don't notice my neighbours.
Okay so ya! I'm supposed to be like really happy and so on because some particular neighbour said I was very pretty. But but but I ain't! Why am I not? Read on.
So, i will call this unknown neighbour UFO. No, not unidentified flying object, instead, it's unidentified FAT object. You must be thinking why I presume she's fat even though I've never seen her before. READ ON.
UFO met Mum on the bus, and they happen to chat a lot. They always chat a lot. I mean mum's so friendly, who can resist her?
UFO: OH! HI! MORNING! Going to work ah?
Mum: Morning! Ya, going to work....
UFO: HEY! I didn't know you had such a big daughter who's so very pretty!
Mum: Oh, ya, erm, haha.
UFO: She grew up really fast ya? And she's really so pretty! Really!
UFO: I saw her the other day, and I told my maid this girl is really really pretty. And my maid told me she stayed at your house.
Mum: Oh HAHA.
UFO: Then I told my maid that your hubby was so lucky to have such a beautiful mistress.
Mum: MISTRESS?! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA! He this kinda pot belly can have a pretty mistress?! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!
UFO: That was when my maid told me that the pretty girl was your daughter!!!
UFO: -shy- Your daughter is really pretty. Didn't realise such pretty people stay in our block.
Mum: HAHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA -laughs all the way from Bedok to ChaiChee-
EXCUSE ME UFO! I FUCKING DON'T GROW BIG IN ONE DAY CAN! You think I'm a green bean pod?! SPROUTING INTO A HUGE TAO GEY IN TWO DAYS?!
HELLO! I GROW. And it's weird, because people around me INSISTS I am past puberty, yet I insists I am still growing daily. And what's so surprising about teenagers growing! Okay! You might not wanna term me a teenager, but I am still under 21! So I'm not even a young adult yet! Watch your choice of words can!
AND PLEASE! My dad, although he's so fucking tall, he is sad to say, slightly distasteful FOR MY LIKING. Yess I LOVE MY DAD, BUT THAT DOESNT FUCKING MEAN I AM HIS MISTRESS!
OH MY FUCKING LORD. Do I look like a cheap woman to you who'd succumb to such low acts? If I wanna be kept as a mistress, would I hold my head high and walk past you (obviously I reckon my face was high enough for you to see my pretty face). USE YOU PAPER THIN BRAINS LA! Very degrading to me ley?
My mum can take it very well as a joke because she is proud that her daughter is so pretty. BUT HELLO! YOUR REMARKS ARE DAMN DEGRADING! NOT ONLY TO ME! BUT MY WHOLE FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ahh fuck, I am so angry.
Anyway, back to whether I look like a mistress.
Excuse me again, even if I look like a mistress, I would only look like Nicholas Tse/Lee Kuan Yew/President/Prince William/Albert Yeung/Wu Chun/Da Dong's MISTRESS! MY DAD?! WHAT KIND OF STANDARD IS THAT! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Even Mot this kind also must think millions. MY DAD?! MY DADDY?! The bloody guy who wiped my ass till I was 7?! The bloody guy who screeched at me TILL TODAY?!
You must be a walking joke like me, UFO.
Anyway, PLEASE do not degrade my dad as well. HE IS NOT ATTRACTED TO ANY OTHER WOMAN BESIDES MY BEAUTIFUL MOTHER.
I admit he flirts with the beehoon auntie, the soyabean milk auntie, the green grocer, the fishmonger, the chicken seller, and the egg seller. But why does he need to flirt?! First, he is handsome (OH please, I hate to lie). Secondly, it is so that all the above mentioned sellers give him more goods!
Don't think dirty.
Why don't Daddy flirt with the beef seller or the pork seller? Because we don't eat much beef and pork. So why waste his time and flirt!
Simple as that la!
Anyway back to that smelly UFO.
HOI. PLEASE HOR, my dad doesn't hell fucking look like a tikopek. SO PLEASE STOP IT.
I didn't know cursing you could be so energy draining.
Suddenly I lost all the remaining energy to blog.
Maybe I'd post pictures of tomorrow's party or something in the coming entry. Oh, I still owe you pictures of Aunt Di's Bdae prelude. Nvmnvm. coming coming. I must edit them first.
And oh, I broke the lever on my camera. Hail the lord.
Love,
MSU 2010
Jamie Ng.
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