Confused, impatient, frustrated, figgedity, sleepless.

"The connection between us seems so near, yet so far."


-Jamie, May 2007

Surreal. I still remember I wrote something like this, and reading back this particular entry makes all my hair stand. I don't know what to say, but I'm having mixed feelings. It's always like this when I'm with you. Why? I don't like this feeling at all, restriction. Okay maybe not restriction. I really hate mind games. You're definitely pushing my limits. I've held on for as long as possible, 3 taihen years, that's long enough. Where's my freedom of choice? Where were the days when I had nothing on my mind but 'food, laughter, sleep'. (okay, doesn't rhyme but that's really all that's on my mind all the while)

Why am I always the one who has to ... ... ...

I'm tired. Give me a break. I need my Amsterdam badly. It all depends on my mood if I still wanna see you (soon, as you put it). Deep inside I really do, but it hurts even more when I realise that it resembles so much of a dream. Try putting yourself in a 'dream-reality-dream-reality' situation that changes DAILY. You guys don't get what I mean? Neh, you'll ne'r geddit. Okay, maybe, how about, 'security-insecurity-security-insecurity'? Any better? Woops.

This 'hide-and-seek' or 'hit-and-run' between us has been going on for way too long. I don't know what I should do or feel.

All I can say now,

-mumbles-